My two years in Ukraine was the first time I've lived alone. These economic times being what they are and the fact that I choose where I live based on proximity to large bodies of water or availability of ethnic foods, I don't know that I'll ever have that luxury again. Not that I want it! I love being what I consider a built-in plus-one, and having one. This may be a bit dramatic but it seems that learning to live with a best friend is reflective of learning to live with a significant other, just in different beds.
I moved into a one-bedroom L.A. apt with my dear friend from college, Miche, in December, as a "sublet" situation while her real roommate is off in MT and UT. I'll either be couch-hunting in March or headed to MI, but for now, it's ideal! Here's what I've discovered about my roommateself:
1. Move over, Susie Homemaker!
Our schedules being what they are, i.e. one of us works full time and goes to school part time, the other is still trying to muster up full-time work, I'm home more. How do I spend my time? At first, it was reorganizing. Then it was dishes, laundry, vacuuming, tidying, dusting. Lately it's been assisting in some small redecoration projects. After two years in Ukraine where nothing in the house was in my control or felt clean, it is wonderfully refreshing to know that I am clean. I love this feeling of ownership, however temporary it may be.
2. Communication is truly key
All the cheesy, cliched stuff about communication and "I" language is actually spot-on. By being clear and open about our feelings and expectations, Miche and I have not only avoided conflict but have also been free to pick the tasks we want to do and those we don't. I'm often surprised that the one thing I really don't feel like doing she's up for, and vice versa. How fun to share responsibilities in a way that gets things done and everybody's happy! I think we have a mutual understanding that talking things out openly is not going to offend the other, which helps. These lessons have gone beyond the door of 316 to helping me be a better communicator in general.
3. Systematize
Where there is a system there is success! Miche feeds the cat, I vacuum the floor, we share cooking, do our own dishes...expectations are clearly known and understood, and so there is no frustration that it's not done or the other has to be reminded. The same goes for our stuff. Find it a home and it doesn't sit on the counter for weeks. Who knew?!
4. Parallel Play
Miche taught me this one. Ukraine helped me learn how to be an introvert, but that's not my usual style. Having a roommate is like a live-in play date, right? Only until she's got homework or wants her own time in our small space. Therefore, we have times of "parallel play," where we do things in the same place but individually. Again, we get to express our needs/wants with the freedom of being respected and understood by the other.
5. "You can't live with your best friend" myth BUSTED!
The above-mentioned approaches to roommateship sometimes felt a bit clinical at first, but they have become much more natural and have allowed us to live with and enjoy each other's company. There aren't built-up resentments or irritations. In such a small apartment, there's no room for them!
So that's some of who I am as a roommate. Maybe I'll use this entry for my impending Craig's List "couch-wanted" post! Think I'll get any offers?
