Aside from the hours I spend driving to get to them, I love my job working with at-risk kids in L.A. I'm mostly teaching math (GULP) but fortunately it's mostly at the middle-school level. There are awesomes in my days with them worth adding to the list.
21. Hearing my own words or expressions come back to me. Like fractions that don't "play nice" and "the five eats the zero."
22. "Wanna see my ____?" Dog, pedometer, zombie sticker, pencil toppers, cat dressed in chihuahua dresses...the answer is always YES!
23. It's ok to call ourselves silly! Even if it really was a mistake, saying we're being silly takes the pressure off. Or something.
24. It's ok to try really hard and still not get it. It'll click eventually. Or never. But you can survive without full grasp of Pythagorean's Theorem as long as you've got spunk!
25. I haven't done this stuff since I was their age. It's amazing what comes back!!!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
A Single Proposal
It is a melancholy time for those who walk alone through this great city in this great time, when they see the cafes, clubs and restaurants crowded with love-struck happy couples ignoring their friend's singular plight. Isolated individuals, left with no other choice, engage their time in online websites, "Speed Dating" events, mixers and the infamous set-up. Alas, the pool from which they may draw potential catch dwindles with every new match made and settled by a ring or a lease.
Thusly, I propose a scheme to my fellow single countrymen. Rather than continue to debase oneself with the flotsam washed or forced upon your shore by helpful friends or bringing with them unwanted attentions, henceforth deny invitations to matchmaking or suggestions for a romantic evening engagement from the lout brazen and foolhardy enough to pass his telephone number to you on the back of an ATM receipt. You shall not, under any circumstances, attempt to enter said fishing endeavor for at least two years from this date. This is the amount of time it will take those currently committed on whom you have your eye to detach from their significant other, citing "irreconcilable differences," recover from their wounds and properly allocate their baggage, and then turn the corner to find you, who has been waiting all this time for just this moment to make their life truly complete.
My argument is further augmented by the consideration such a plan has on the benefits of society. Singles whose misdirected drive for passion may now engage in more worthwhile pursuits can restore the national debt, bring us several steps closer to various cures for various diseases and ailments, restructure our school system, and quite possibly bring peace to the world. At the very least, the product of many knitting needles will keep laps and necks warmer.
I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I may have some personal interest in endeavoring to convince you of this arrangement, as it is said, misery loves company.
The End.
Thusly, I propose a scheme to my fellow single countrymen. Rather than continue to debase oneself with the flotsam washed or forced upon your shore by helpful friends or bringing with them unwanted attentions, henceforth deny invitations to matchmaking or suggestions for a romantic evening engagement from the lout brazen and foolhardy enough to pass his telephone number to you on the back of an ATM receipt. You shall not, under any circumstances, attempt to enter said fishing endeavor for at least two years from this date. This is the amount of time it will take those currently committed on whom you have your eye to detach from their significant other, citing "irreconcilable differences," recover from their wounds and properly allocate their baggage, and then turn the corner to find you, who has been waiting all this time for just this moment to make their life truly complete.
My argument is further augmented by the consideration such a plan has on the benefits of society. Singles whose misdirected drive for passion may now engage in more worthwhile pursuits can restore the national debt, bring us several steps closer to various cures for various diseases and ailments, restructure our school system, and quite possibly bring peace to the world. At the very least, the product of many knitting needles will keep laps and necks warmer.
I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I may have some personal interest in endeavoring to convince you of this arrangement, as it is said, misery loves company.
The End.
Not a Secret Any More!
The roomie was away for a weekend not too long ago, and I found myself indulging in a classic concept coined by Carrie in Sex and the City; I was in full swing with my "Secret Single Behaviors." These idiosyncrasies are those that we only do when we know we will be alone for a certain time or cannot be reached or seen by those who know us and might judge. Carrie's example (not a secret any more) is to stand in the kitchen eating saltines with grape jelly and reading fashion magazines. A tad tame for a purported "sex columnist" but that's the beauty of an SSB! It doesn't have to make sense.
So with the roomie gone and working my usual 4 am-12 noon at the Joe's, my break in single routine revolved mainly around the couch. The three nights I spent alone were not in my bed, but rather on the couch (at all hours, too) with the t.v. on. Dishes piled up, the cat went hungry, I ate Mac 'N Cheese and channel surfed. SSB? More like Blase Behavior!
Turn of events: Sometime between late-late and the wee hours, I was introduced to a haircare system that would revolutionize my locks after just one use! Multiple women stepped forward to have their hair washed, no luxuriously bathed, by this wonder product, and then interviewed after with shining smiles and curls or gentle waves. They couldn't believe how after just one use, they could see such a difference! And styling was so much easier! It was a one-time payment and they were so certain that I'd love the product that I could return it for a full refund, even if the bottles were empty!
But wait, there's more! The free gifts started rolling in. There was a comb, a balm and a styling creme. Well now! What an offer! How can I refuse?
Being more or less morally opposed to ordering off the t.v., I went online. It seemed so much less cliche. Soon enough, I was completing my order.
BUT WAIT. THERE WAS MORE.
As a new customer, I was privileged to get the introductory rate for a mineral make up and foundation set. THERE WERE MORE FREE GIFTS! I got two brushes, an eyeshadow palette and an undereye cream along with the bronzer, foundation, etc. All for just $10! A steal. This, too, came with a we-know-you'll-love-it guarantee of sending back the empty containers for a full refund. Why not?!
And so I have added a new vice to my repertoire. As the roomie has returned and restored reality, so is going the way of my haircare system, which wasn't all that (OR a bag of chips!).
And yes, the bottles are being mailed back empty. :)
So with the roomie gone and working my usual 4 am-12 noon at the Joe's, my break in single routine revolved mainly around the couch. The three nights I spent alone were not in my bed, but rather on the couch (at all hours, too) with the t.v. on. Dishes piled up, the cat went hungry, I ate Mac 'N Cheese and channel surfed. SSB? More like Blase Behavior!
Turn of events: Sometime between late-late and the wee hours, I was introduced to a haircare system that would revolutionize my locks after just one use! Multiple women stepped forward to have their hair washed, no luxuriously bathed, by this wonder product, and then interviewed after with shining smiles and curls or gentle waves. They couldn't believe how after just one use, they could see such a difference! And styling was so much easier! It was a one-time payment and they were so certain that I'd love the product that I could return it for a full refund, even if the bottles were empty!
But wait, there's more! The free gifts started rolling in. There was a comb, a balm and a styling creme. Well now! What an offer! How can I refuse?
Being more or less morally opposed to ordering off the t.v., I went online. It seemed so much less cliche. Soon enough, I was completing my order.
BUT WAIT. THERE WAS MORE.
As a new customer, I was privileged to get the introductory rate for a mineral make up and foundation set. THERE WERE MORE FREE GIFTS! I got two brushes, an eyeshadow palette and an undereye cream along with the bronzer, foundation, etc. All for just $10! A steal. This, too, came with a we-know-you'll-love-it guarantee of sending back the empty containers for a full refund. Why not?!
And so I have added a new vice to my repertoire. As the roomie has returned and restored reality, so is going the way of my haircare system, which wasn't all that (OR a bag of chips!).
And yes, the bottles are being mailed back empty. :)
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