Still kickin!

While it may seem that I have neglected my poor blog out of callous disregard for its feelings, I assure you, I think about it often. I remember our great times together, our loving gaze across the candlelit dinner table, and shopping for two on Saturday mornings. Sitting up in a wonderfully cushioned bed with no cracks or dips in one direction or another, coffee in hand, I now settle back into its warm embrace to rekindle our spark. And to let you know how these last months have been.

HIGHLIGHTS (because detail would take too long)

September:
School was as per usual. I had fun teaching lessons at my school and didn't really have a schedule, so was able to come and go to the classes I liked best. :)

The 7th B!














General beauty in the Indian Summer for my last few months of Ukraine.

Taken on my running road. GORGEOUS!














October:
COS conference, which is kind of a how-to-leave conference for groups of volunteers. The friends I made more than two years ago were present, some I hadn't seen in almost two years, and it was great. Lots of lovely bonding and catch-up time!

I'm pretty sure that's Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" we're swaying to there.











The Kiev Marathon, which when I registered, I wasn't sure if it really existed. I ran it with a friend I met at a camp over the summer, and had a great time. That same weekend, I also took the GRE (on my birthday!), closed a grant, and completed my "leaving" medical exam. I was BUSY!

My Marafon teammates! I even scored some prize money from this sucker!












Birthday shenannigins!

















HIV/AIDS trainings went of with their standard number of hitches, but were effective programming nonetheless. My counterpart for this project and I organized a training for health teachers in the surrounding villages, and then for our own teachers. We brought in a trainer from Kiev and lives were changed, let me tell you. ;)

Not to be all work and no play, I made it to the far western side of Ukraine one last time and then all the way across to the east for a Halloween shindig for volunteers.

November:
PACKING, GOODBYE-ING, LEAVING. My lovely friend Katie came out to help with this process, which was wonderful. Some parties with my teachers, one last hoopla in the Bunary with neighboring Volunteers, and I was off! Two years done already? WHEW!

Packing Princess Katie!


















Recovery by travel: first Egypt then Spain. Egypt's highlights were hiking Mt. Sinai in the dark in time for sunrise from the summit, snorkeling in the Red Sea, and the city of Cairo, which includes the Pyramids and all that. After a week in Egypt, I arrived in Madrid to see my high school friend, Kate. Tapas and red wine presided. I also made a day trip to Segovia, Hemingway country. Lovely!

Gettin my Egyptian on! Well, my touristness...
















Sunrise on Sinai.
















Snorkeling!

















Friend Kate in Madrid.
















Segovia. Apparently Walt Disney based the castle in Sleeping Beauty off this architectural gem!
















Hittin the ground running, back in the States just in time for Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family. They are LOUD and awesomely so! At the end of the weekend, I made it north for more Thanksgiving feelings with my dad and stepmom. Then back to Cali!

All my cousins, their spouses, and some KIDS! Whew! Life kept going while I was away!












December:
Concerts, reuniting and acclimating ensued.

To be continued!

Awesomes

11. Line drying.





















12. The smell of the town bread factory at the beginning and end of my runs.


















13. Being THIS happy.

















14. Coffee.

15. Re-inventing clothes.

16. Conquering a literary behemoth.





















17. The lambent book you read really fast after finishing said behemoth.


18. Hosti (hosting)


19. Pets that think they're smaller than they are.


20. Train cups in California.

A moment of gratitude

For all its scars and old injuries, perceived imperfections and my occasional struggles in making it look presentable, I am wonderfully grateful for my body. It sometimes seems strange to be limited to a form that changes little and doesn't always seem to reflect the spirit it houses. But today, and recently, I am terribly glad to have a strong, healthy body that lets me go places and move things and interact with the world. I am grateful, too, to not worry so much about the imperfections, and to choose to not see those as important.

It's a good place to be. :)

Blessings to you as you also live in appreciation of your form!

Awesome Things

This is my 100th post! Woot! Awhile back I posted a video called "1,000 Awesome Things," which got me thinking about my own list. Not promising a thousand, but let's make this an on-going process of admiring those experiences that make us sit back and say, "if this isn't nice, I don't know what is."

Here's to awesome things.

1. The smell of a burnt-out candle.

2. Cooking experiments that turn into favorites.
















3. Running without music.



4. Running in company.

















5. The smell of new electronics/appliances.

6. The first shave with a new razor blade.

7. Ukraine's version of Two Buck Chuck (and at only about $1.62 a box!)





















8. Getting my Facebook status, post, photos, etc., "liked."


















9. Finding smell-favorite hair/body products and deciding to be brand-loyal across language barriers.

















10. Packages that inspire an out-loud laugh.

An Oldie!

I rediscovered this video from training...that would be November of '08. As I'm finishing up my service, it's fun to remember those early days! Enjoy!

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It might be wrong, but I want to be this tan FOREVER

Summer shenannigins involved a sandy week-long stint with my excellent good friend, Natty and her counterpart from her town. Tons of time in the sun, swimming and strolling ensued! Did I mention food? We found MAGNUM ice cream bars (a treat I discovered in Australia)! Woot!

Introducing Natty to the glory of the Magnum bar. Many flavor-samplings followed, all photo-documented. I won't bore you with the progression; suffice it to say that "Beyaz" was the best, being a sort of oreo-cookie ice cream dipped in almond-chunk white chocolate. Magnummmmmmm.


Having fun.


Ladies!


The sea was so warm! Natty and I spent HOURS on the rope that designated the swimming area, nearly getting high-fives from the passing motor boat driver running a rafting tour. Great time for conversations and bonding!


Helping Lena shop for a winter coat turned out to be rather amusing.


Classy. So classy.


We found Nacho Cheese DORITOS!!! Lena remained confused about why we were always taking photos with food.


Two lovely ladies at an open-air disco on the beach? You know it!


Disco involves "foam" party component. Sure.


A self-made hiking trip included throwing rocks into the sea. Unfortunately for all there was a busy road at the bottom of that cliff, and I do not have the greatest arm.


What's vacay without a trip to a Turkish bath? Massages, facials, tea. Sweet!


Magnums, BK, and Doritos all before 9 am. All's well that ends well!

A new way

After months of struggle and some pretty low points whenever the 24th was about to roll around, I have finally found a new way of feeling. My sweet friend Katie opened her heart to my sadness and anger about Nolan's death, and responded with the words which changed those feelings into if not yet joy, acceptance and peace. Simply put, she told me to focus on the awesomeness of Nolan's six years, and how that's how he'll always be in our minds and hearts. He will remain a bright spot for us, and nothing can be changed about that. This last month, I let the 24th pass as a day, and instead celebrated the 26th, his birthday date. Think I'll make it a trend.

Blessings to you as you re-write your own trends.

A soggy but sweet ride

Survivor camp this year was WET. I had the absolute honor of coordinating the camp this year, as I was "Kitchen Manager" last. We did, however, experience a bit more moisture than last year. Nevertheless, we pulled through as a group, and kept spirits ever so high!

We began with digging. Latrines, compost; space for tents had to be scythed. Set up takes WORK!


Then an attempt to feed children with nothing but wet wood and grechka.


Not all is bad when soaked. Our day of hiking Pip Ivan (in the Carpathian mountains) was lovely with its misty morning.


Found a shack for some dairy farmers. They live there for four months straight, feeding and milking the sheep and cows. What a job!


Feeling dominating.


Ransacking lunch at the ransacked observatory. YUM.


Tent City. I could move in here.


In between being awesome, teaching me the Ukrainian national anthem, and carrying buckets of water, Vlad took a moment to steal the rest of the female hearts with his guitar.


Last day of camp: WET. For days it rained, and now here we go!


Best Parts of Camp:

Some of the campers could not come with us on the big hike, either because they couldn't do it physically or there wasn't space for them on the bus. This leaves some potential for tension when we come back, a fact that always makes me nervous. However, they welcomed us home like we were the star finishers of a marathon. They had cheers ready, "go team!" written on their arms, water bottles as we came through the 'chute,' and tons of smiles. What a wonderful welcome!

My other favorite moment happened as we made our soggy return to civilization. The walk to town is easily longer than an hour, and it had rained hard for two days before. My friend, Ally, and I slept in puddles in our leaky tent, finally called it quits at 7:00 the last morning of Survivor, and packed everything up in the downpour. Since we had responsibilities, we helped take down the camp by filling in the latrine and the compost--in the downpour. Then, we headed down the mountain in the torrential flood that said downpour had created. We were wading through some pretty intense rivers with all our stuff. YIKES. It took us over an hour just to reach the outskirts of town, and as we were making our final turn toward the bus station, a car pulled up. The man inside started out in Ukrainian offering us a ride, and then switched to English. Here we were, these drowned rats trudging through the wet, and he was offering to take us exactly where we needed to be for the same price as the bus. We figured he wasn't going to kill us, so we got in. He started talking about his life and family and was a very sweet and genuine man. His second son has development problems, we also discovered. The symptoms sounded similar to muscular dystrophy.

Anyway, the 2 1/2 hour bus ride soaking wet and being glared at by the other passengers was much more enjoyable in Mihael's back seat, which took a little over an hour. One our way into the town, he called his wife, saying, "I happened upon these two American girls...can I bring them home?" A hot shower (the first in weeks) was followed by a hot bowl of delicious soup made fresh for us, and the most amazing family time ever! The oldest boy was about 4, and ADORABLE. Seriously. He was very active, but always very attentive to his surroundings. And his brother, who was in a sort of wheely chair meant for kids between crawling and walking. That boy had the most captivating joy...everything was a delight to him. his father had been away for a few days, and when he came in, he gave the boy a tousle of his hair; his smile lit the room. We played with both boys before they went down for their naps, and then saw photos from the couple's wedding. Mihael's wife was so kind and had a very woman-at-rest demeanor. Of course, Mihael didn't let us pay him anything. We left when our other friends arrived in the town and went to get on our trains. I wish we had gotten photos with the boys before they went to bed.

So, it wraps up nicely and warmly. I've washed and dried everything and finally gotten the campsmoke out of my hair. It was a good week, full of challenges, adventures, and many beautiful peaks seen and felt.

Here comes another one

The 24th of July marks the 5-month mark of my nephew’s death from his third round of cancer. The first took Nolan’s leg below the knee before he was a year old, the second his hair and a lot of time to and from doctors, the third a clear passageway to his lungs. Two days before his sixth birthday, surrounded by family, Nolan ended his fight with cancer. I was at a training seminar and asleep when my dad called me at 2:00 am with the news, taking my own breath away.

Today, remembering that Nolan just doesn’t exist anymore, rushes the wind out of me and paradoxically fills me with something solid while also cutting my connections to gravity. I routinely have to take pause at school when the little 1st and 2nd formers come rushing through the halls, all bouncy-haired and vibrant. I had a minor panic attack when my STRENGTH NHJ first-cancer-round-fundraiser bracelet broke last month, and had to calm my breathing and stop the flood of tears.

And I wasn’t even with him every day.

A few weeks ago, I got the news that my grandpa on my mom’s side died. He was a great man and lived a great, long life. He was sick and had been battling all kinds of things from prostate cancer to dementia, and so it was his time. I remember spending weekends at his house as a kid, exploring his workshop, marveling at how good pipe tobacco smelled until it was lit, and hearing his standard I-like-bananas-because-they-don’t-have-any-bones joke. He left a legacy of six kids, 17 grandkids, and 4 great-grandkids. Like I said, he lived a great, long life.

There is something actually tragic about the death of a child, tragic in a way I’d never before understood the meaning. The lost potential for love and life, like a great book you’re only a few chapters into and then lose and are left wondering what happened. There is something horrifying at how such a thing could happen to an innocent person. There is something that brings about anger.

Today, remembering that Nolan doesn’t exist anymore, still makes me angry at God. You know that old analogy about the tapestry? It is supposed to be God’s plan for people, all intricate weavings and color changes and subtle patterns. Humans are often faulted as being unable to see more than the underside’s messiness and loose ends. But what it if is simply that we haven’t been offered the chance to rise up over the cloth’s edges to catch a glimpse of what beauty is being created? Are we to simply understand that the other side is beautiful while we find degrees of beauty in the unmatched, fraying threads?

The hard and painful truth is that life is contrasts. How can we know bitter, cold winter until we’ve tasted glorious, hot summer? How can we enjoy the touch of kindness if we haven’t had someone come at us with rudeness? How can we know the rush joy without feeling the stings of pain? How can we possibly understand the ridiculous discrepancies between a good, long life and tragedy? Contrasts suck.

Grandpa Tom’s tapestry continues through the interconnectedness he created during his long, great life. Nolan’s tapestry is similarly resolved, though I have a great deal less peace about the unfinished clumps of color and blank spaces. Tapestries suck, too.

What doesn’t suck is the greater understanding I now have in the contrast of weakness and strength. “Strength” will forever be synonymous with NHJ—Nolan Hunter Johnson. I remember thinking when he was born, what a good, strong name, a name for a solid start at a great life. Nolan had his start. And now we live with his death, his lesson in strength. His bouncy curls and never-ending energy and enthusiasm. The understanding of “peace” will come when the turmoil eases.

Nolan at Christmas