It is a melancholy time for those who walk alone through this great city in this great time, when they see the cafes, clubs and restaurants crowded with love-struck happy couples ignoring their friend's singular plight. Isolated individuals, left with no other choice, engage their time in online websites, "Speed Dating" events, mixers and the infamous set-up. Alas, the pool from which they may draw potential catch dwindles with every new match made and settled by a ring or a lease.
Thusly, I propose a scheme to my fellow single countrymen. Rather than continue to debase oneself with the flotsam washed or forced upon your shore by helpful friends or bringing with them unwanted attentions, henceforth deny invitations to matchmaking or suggestions for a romantic evening engagement from the lout brazen and foolhardy enough to pass his telephone number to you on the back of an ATM receipt. You shall not, under any circumstances, attempt to enter said fishing endeavor for at least two years from this date. This is the amount of time it will take those currently committed on whom you have your eye to detach from their significant other, citing "irreconcilable differences," recover from their wounds and properly allocate their baggage, and then turn the corner to find you, who has been waiting all this time for just this moment to make their life truly complete.
My argument is further augmented by the consideration such a plan has on the benefits of society. Singles whose misdirected drive for passion may now engage in more worthwhile pursuits can restore the national debt, bring us several steps closer to various cures for various diseases and ailments, restructure our school system, and quite possibly bring peace to the world. At the very least, the product of many knitting needles will keep laps and necks warmer.
I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I may have some personal interest in endeavoring to convince you of this arrangement, as it is said, misery loves company.
The End.
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