One Year of PC (Personal Carnival)

The One-Year-in-Country Mark has been reached! We arrived in Kiev on Sept 28th last year, and once we finally got out of the airport (after about a 6 hour ordeal involving TONS of lost baggage), we saw and felt Ukraine. I journaled on this wonderful milestone in my favorite coffee shop in Odessa on my way home from Kiev, and will share some of what I wrote to give you an idea of what it's like to reflect on a year for me.


One year in-country coffee toast in Kompote. Well, coffee and a croissant! People ask if I can believe it's been a year already. ALREADY? FOR SURE. I can't believe it hasn't been MORE than that in a lot of ways.

I am so very much the Peace Corps "type" that I never expected it to be this hard. And I know I have to temper the last two weeks or so with the big picture and not feel the whole thing was hard. After all, I had three conversations--with three different ticket ladies no less!--that were extremely successful information-exchanges where language used to dissolve me.

What has made time here so difficult is fear. It is out of fear that I choose NOT to think or feel painful things, which causes the anxiety to build up and spill out in unexpected times/places. I fear that negative feelings will hurt, cause me to be discontent, and ultimately, want to leave.

Well, I fear I have been wrong there. I can choose HOW I see this life, this Ukraine, this heart. I can feel my strength building and what was built. I am becoming powerful because of what I am doing, learning, seeing. Tasting! Maybe a year couldn't have ended soon enough, maybe it will. My smile is intact. My wide-eyed optimism has changed, I will admit that. My language skills are also better, and my likelihood to melt down in tricky situations is diminished. My friendships are long-distance or are bounded by language. I've missed HOME more than ever these last few weeks, but maybe it is also the feeling of the downward swing into completion of service. And a little voice reminds me to be careful as I'm not yet half-way through.

But listen: I am DOING Peace Corps. Really doing it. Maybe it has been harder than expected, but isn't that the point? At one year, it is time to stop feeling whiny about it. It is time to get off the rollercoaster and get in line for the bumper cars. At one year, it is time to banish fear, to embrace the changes within myself no matter how painful. My name means "Princess." And it doesn't get more beautiful than that, more hopefully settled and full of potential change. Calm in the storm. Peace in times of struggle. The ability to put aside fear and face the onslaught with grace and discernment. At one year, it is time to do these things. At one year, it doesn't matter what I haven't done but what I am doing. All we ever really have is right now, anyway. This moment and it's gone. All those moments to make a full year at the carnival. And the moments to come. Difficult or not, I am ready to meet them. And now is the time to remind myself of the "princess" I am.

And loneliness. What is that, really? A feeling that I am not wanted? I am necessarily alone because the journey demands separateness. I have many beautiful and different base camps, for which I am grateful. And I will reach the peak, and then the next, forever building higher.


So in my PC (Personal Carnival) service, I'm ready to start exploring more of the rides. I'm jonesing for a deep-fried Snickers, have tickets to see the bearded lady (she actually lives down my street!), and am happy to celebrate, this my one-year-in-country.

Best to you as you love the journey, your own carnival, and in knowing your own "regal" status as someone privileged to love in this world.

Ridin the Roller Coaster

So there is a page of one of our training manuals that depicts the traditional ups and downs for PCVs based on the time they've been in country. I've been meaning to pull it out and check on my own status, and finally did only to discover that I'm right on target.

11-15 months
Issues: Mid-service crisis, doubt about program/self/role/government, various failures over time, disillusionment, confusion in resolving frustrations with victories

Behavior/Reaction: Impatience with self/program/"system," blame on program constant complaining, lethargy, haughtiness with new volunteers

Dear me. Well, the previous blog about all the things I'm doing is still true-ish. I'm not really teaching yet, but I've got heaps of projects I'm working on and doing a fairly good job of keeping up with. So why is it that I feel so ineffective? Useless? It's hard to say, and even harder to enjoy the freedom that I do have now, even with the knowledge that such an opportunity will never present itself to me again (and is likely to change soonish).

I'm almost at one year, and it will be good to celebrate this accomplishment. My next stage is more hopeful and not far off, and of course, it is what I want it to be and I make it. This chart also includes ideas for getting through such stages, and one is planning holidays/vacations. So who wants to meet me in Jamaica at Christmas???

Cultural exchange

I'm coming up on a year in country now, and I've been thinking about things I will take back with me to the States. Recipes, habits, hobbies and stuff. I've also been thinking about things I will NOT take back with me. Here is a list for your reading joy:

Keepers
*Borsch
*Vareneky
*Using sour cream in the most interesting of ways
*A love of veggies
*Walking everywhere
*Patience
*Flexibility
*Making just about anything and everything from scratch (bagels, veggie burgers, pizza dough, sauces, cookies, more and more and more...)
*Making all my own teaching materials
*Hospitality, Ukrainian-style (which means insisting the guest eat as much as physically possible, stay as long as possible, and come back as often as possible)
*Juice
*How excited my kids always are to see me
*My dog! (I wish!)
*My landlady's laugh


Leavers
*Homemade dog food
*Language barriers
*Deep fears of getting stranded somewhere
*Ukrainian TV
*No central heat
*Thick turtlenecks and heavy coats (BAH winter!)
*Getting shouted/honked at when I'm running
*No SMOG checks

All in all, Ukraine's in my heart, and though my time here is short, I'm glad it's a permanent resident. :)

Just a lovely morning

It's Saturday morning here. The sun is shining, and though there's a chilly wind, it's a lovely day. I slept in, had a cup of DELISH coffee (thanks to Drew, who really hooked me up when he came back in March!), chatted with the landlady, worked on a project that I promptly took to the post to mail, to discover that I had a package! I got five brand-new books to keep me busy from my friend Tim. Then back home for another cup of coffee and French toast, which I also made for my landlady. It's a pretty sweet turnaround from the moment of anxiety I had when I woke up about not really having anything to do today. I can't wait to see what the rest of the day holds!

Beauty for beauty’s sake

Yesterday, on my run, there was a flock of birds high in the clear sky of Tatarbunary. This group of birds was actually dancing. They would divide into two groups, and those undulating droplet-like groups would move around each other in a sort of tango. Then the groups would merge, flow together, and then one bird would shoot out from the group to lead the next change in direction and shape. It was truly beautiful to watch, the way these innocent creatures were enjoying themselves and their world. I am honored to have seen such beauty.

Blessings as you love beautifully.

P.S.

After yesterday's comment, I watched one of my all-time faves, P.S. I Love You. Here is a poignant moment in some of the last lines:

"This is my one and only life, and it's a great and terrible and short and endless thing, and none of us come out of it alive."

Thought I'd share!

The ball is ROLLIN!

This is my one and only full school year during my service, and the excitement to make it an awesome year is bubbling out of me. I still don't have a schedule at school, but I'm not worried. It gives me a little extra time to get some of this stuff DONE! You see, I've just come back from a weekend in Kiev that was super fun but also remarkably productive, which leaves me with lots to do now! And what stuff might that be, you wonder? Well, let me tell you! (And categorically, since I seem to be a fan of that style these days)

∂ Special Projects Assistance grant
I want to write a grant and apply for some $$$ to create an English Resource room for my school. I would like to have a place teachers can go between lessons, store their books and materials, and even get work done on a computer I'd like to get in there. My school has internet, so an additional goal would be to make the room internet-accessible so that I can run tutorials on how to search for lesson plans, activities, worksheets and more. Hello 21st century!

∂ FLEX
The Future Leaders Exchange program is something that the States started. It provides students in former Soviet countries the opportunity to live in America for a school year to practice English, share their culture and learn about ours. The interview process is coming up, and I'm hoping to hand-select a few students and help coach them toward that interview. It's an amazing chance for these kids; those who I've met who were in FLEX are greatly changed with expansive world-views. It would be awesome for my village to have such an experience, because not just one kid would go, but it would really open up the world to the whole town.

∂ NuShcho
We have a newsletter in Ukraine that PCVs can contribute to called NuShcho (it means "what's up?!") for which I am the editor. I'm excited about re-vamping the look and professionalism of this publication, hopefully inspiring more people to contribute on a variety of topics. Our next layout is in a week and a half, so this enthusiasm is well-timed!

∂ Warden Resource SNL Skit
During training, we are bombarded with information regarding safety in addition to all the cultural and language lessons. As a safety warden for my region, I am trying to help make that information more accessible by writing a mock SNL skit. Hopefully we can get this off the ground and film it for it to be shown in training. Fun!

∂ Summer Camp
My town really wants me to do a summer camp next summer. It's a big job, but I think that starting it now is going to make sure it happens. We're making small steps, but progressing toward putting on a 10-ish day beach camp. Also FUN!

∂ The Collaborative
My second meeting in Kiev was for a group called The Collaborative. It's somewhat fledgling, but I'm really excited about where it's going. In each region, we will recruit a facilitator to host a meeting for Volunteers in that area to work on professional development. We all have different projects, ideas, resources and abilities, and so this will be a chance to share those and learn from each other. I will host one soon, I hope!

∂ BOOKS!
There are several organizations within the States that provide books for schools and specifically Peace Corps volunteers. One of these amazing groups is Darien Book Aid, and hopefully we'll soon be getting a box of books to add to our fancy new English Resource Room! ;)

∂ New TEFL Volunteers
I've been corresponding with a few in-coming TEFL Volunteers (arriving in just 2 weeks now), answering questions about packing social climate, host family gifts, you name it. I am thrilled to have the chance to go visit a training cluster (probably early November) in a mentor role. I remember my experience with my mentors during training, and it was truly helpful to me. I hope that I can return the lessons learned!

This going to be a GREAT year. I will be so busy I may not even notice the cold (riiiiiiight). The inertia is strong now, and I hope to maximize all the resources I have while I can!

Thanks for listening as you love!

Words to hold on to

With such a slow start in my schedule and with very little to do in my town or at home, the last few weeks or so have been somewhat difficult in the boredom/ineffectiveness feeling. I struggled with the loneliness before coming across a passage in The Road Less Traveled (Scott Peck) about making it through our most memorable journeys necessarily alone, with base camps of friends and families, of course. What comfort!

Then I cracked open a Kurt Vonnegut book called A Man Without a Country and read:

"And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'"

There are always opportunities to think "this is nice," and I'm working on taking those chances to feel that particular moment on this amazing, lonely journey of a lifetime. I hope these are words you, too, can hold on to!

Blessings as you love and notice the nice.

Summer in Ukraine = BLISS!

Hello dearest long neglected but not forgotten readers!

I trust that you can resonate when I say that it has been an incredible summer! I was minus regular internet for quite some time, but have been home and reconnected to the WWW for just over a week, and I think I've finally inundated myself with enough internet-time (hello Facebook) that I can sit down and re-cap just what it was that made this summer so amazing.

First: Last Bell Ceremony
The last day of school in Ukraine is called "Last Bell." Everyone dresses in their finest, we have a small concert, and awards are presented. My favorite moment is when they have a little girl (representing the last bell) get hoisted up onto the shoulders of a graduating 11th former and carried around ringing a bell! It was just too cute.

Here is a shot of some graduating 11th formers. The girls all wear the traditional Soviet outfits for the last month of school.
And here is the little Last Bell Girl! Soooo cute! Behind, you see that one of the 11th forms made a "vKontactia" (a Russian version of Facebook) to display their photos. Very creative!


Second: Vacay to a Ukrainian castle/fortress
I spent a weekend in beautiful Kaminits-Podilskyy, which is the site of an ancient fortress. It was incredibly scenic and touring the fortress was AWESOME. It was a far cry from any touring in the States, let alone the ancient-ness of the structure. There were no signs saying you couldn't walk here, touch this, jump off that. So of course all limits of the castle were enjoyed! There was also a river that cut through the valley that turned out to be great for swimming. (Shhh...don't tell PCMO!)

Here is a shot of the fortress.

Third: Survivor Camp
I had been looking forward to this camp since I first heard about it, probably a month into training. It is a rugged 10-days near the Carpathian mountains in the west of Ukraine. We lived in tents at the top of a huge hill/mountain, cooked food we bought at the bazar an hour away over an open fire, taught lessons sitting on logs or in the grass, shot fireworks and swam in the river. It was awesome! I brought two students from my school. One of the girls had never traveled outside a 3-hour radius of our region, and it was wonderful for me to watch her bloom interacting with so many different kids from all over Ukraine. We celebrated American Independence Day with a huge fireworks display and with American chili night! Another highlight was climbing to the top of Mount Haverla, the tallest peak in Ukraine. What a view! We climbed with the intention of also doing a trash-pick-up, but since the Ukrainian president was visiting the next week, it was spotless. Overall, Survivor was probably the highlight of my summer and I can't wait for Round Two next summer!

PCV Pyramid! These are all the Volunteers that helped lead the camp:


Here is one of my favorite photos of fire-jumping. On the holiday of Ivana-Kupala, Ukrainians traditionally make a big shashlik (like bbq) pit, cook dinner, then jump over the fire. Girls also make flower wreaths that they throw into the river for the boys to catch. Here I am jumping with one of the kids on my team, Misha:

Fourth: Ukrainian wedding
Less than a week after returning from Survivor and with only just enough time to scrape the dirt from under my fingernails and to wash the grime from my hair, I was off again on my next round of travels, the first stop being my first Ukrainian wedding. Unfortunately, my camera broke during the interval, and I don't have any pictures, and a thousand is too many words for a blog. Suffice it to say that it was a very PACKED event. There was a church service, a photo shoot after, and then the reception. Things got going at about 12:00 PM, and we left the reception at 1:15 AM. The reception was fun, with lots of traditions and significances. The bride and groom received all the guests (who all brought even-numbered flower bouquets and cash) with kisses and took photos, they danced special dances, crossed "lines" of ribbon to signify the journeys they've taken to becoming a pair, and passed their blessings on to the single men and women. I even made a toast! In English, of course, blessedly translated for me. I ate SO much good food, too. And managed to escape with only 3 shots of vodka in me! :) My favorite part of this whole experience was seeing how deep and evident the love between the newlyweds was. They were so peacefully joyful and just very graceful in their attention to each other and the guests. It was beautiful to see.

Fifth: Big Bang
From the wedding to another camp! Camp Big Bang is held at a campsite roughly in the center of Ukraine. After Survivor, Big Bang was luxury! About 160 kids attended, living in cabins and eating at the canteen where cooks prepared three meals a day and snacks. All the Volunteers lived in one cabin that had its own kitchen and bathroom. I was a team leader for a team of about 25 kids aged 11-15. I pumped them up for our nightly competitions, got them motivated in the mornings, and helped out with lessons throughout the day. It was fun, and I really bonded with some of those kids. It was amazing seeing the creativity of all the kids at camp in the things they were able to make (costumes, masks) or do (little stunts/pranks, games). I am continually amazed at the Ukrainian spirit to improvise and to simply make do. Highlights from this camp were a haunted house that the Volunteers put on for the campers, a massive carnival we put on for the last day (I auctioned off banana bread, carrot cake and cornbread! Big hits for sure), and the time spent with other Volunteers.


Thanks to the canteen for providing the tomatoes, we managed some pretty effective fake murder scenes. Here is our camp leader trying to fix up the huge gashes in another leader:


Girls having fun! The female team leaders (5 girls, one guy) take a much-needed night off and go into town for pizza. Delish! Silly photos must, of course, follow:
Sixth: Ukrainian Independence Day in L'viv
Again, no photos for this one, but I had a great time in the West celebrating Ukrainian Independence Day on the 24th of August. Ukraine is now 18 years old, and it was really interesting to see all the national costumes and the concerts. People were gathering in the center and spontaneously starting up with traditional songs and dances. I'm glad I was there to witness that!

Seventh: First Bell!
Our First Bell ceremony looked a lot like our Last. School started on the 1st of Sept, and with the adorable blue-caped girl ringing the first bell. Currently we are in our second week, but it has been a slow start for yours truly. I expect a schedule next week and then I can really get to work. I did, however, teach two lessons today for my counterpart, who is away. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten how much ENERGY those 5th formers require! Yikes. I think that after them, then the 11th form, and now this blog entry, I need a nap! So I will sign off for now, glad to have caught up with this and excited about continuing to unravel my story to you all!

Blessings as you love.